" Attached to nothing, connected to everything."
Ego is the biggest thing to get past on this journey for me. I just think I know which way is up and again the ego comes in causing discomfort and the pain body kicks in and I take 3 steps back.
One thing I am certain about on this journey is that you can't detach from the other person if you are not meant to.
So you have this person inside you no matter what you do, how do you get peace with it?
I am miss guarded. I have been hurt way too many times in my life to let anybody treat me in a way that even remotely resembles my past.
I know what I want and I have standards set. This is my theory anyway. I have an idea of how I think I should be treated and how I see someone loving me and respecting me and valuing me.
Then I meet the twin flame experience and my theory is shot to shit because I can't get this person out of my mind or heart, no matter what I do, he stays there.
In this guys defense, he is not an abusive, manipulative person at all. He is just the perfect kind of idiot to trigger me, and I think that I am the perfect kind of idiot to trigger him. We don't fight and freak out at each other, we just really test each other to be totally honest, because we show each other what needs healing in ourselves very, VERY well.
They say that the woman sets the tempo for these connections. If she is desparado for his attention and wants so much for him to love her....he will not do this because he will mirror her insecurity. In my particular case, he mirrors my guardedness.
A friend pointed out a really self righteous part of my ego to me the other day and boy did it lift a veil to me. I saw that I am filled with condition in this connection. I feel like he doesn't want me in his life and so I withdraw myself from him.
Fact of the matter is even if I withdraw from him he still resides in me and goes nowhere energetically. Surely he is not there for nothing, there must be a reason. Figure out the reason and then see where it takes you.
Is the reason perhaps to teach me how to love just because I love? Is it because I am actually not meant to stop loving him? Is it because I love him come rain or shine because I am his human. He may not be my human, but I can still be his.
If I just love with zero agenda and fight my ego everytime it tells me that this is bullshit and I deserve to be loved back, maybe just maybe I will get the point of this profoundly awakening journey.
Maybe my purpose is to be his human and that is all. Love him like an off spring, no judgement or expectation, just love, nothing but love.
And I don't mean self sacrificing, because I could easily be in a relationship with someone else if I felt an authentic, strong connection, regardless of where things are with my twin flame experience. I really don't feel attached to him in the sense that I want to or need to be with him, (I mean this in the nicest, least offensive way imaginable.) I love him and want him to be happy.
I love me and want me to be happy. Being happy for me is being at peace. Peace for me is living my nature. My nature is love, only pure, beautiful, forgiving love. When I am in my true nature I am connected to everything but attached to nothing.
Another thing that hit me straight between the eyes is that I have been extremely selfish, only willing to drop my guard if I am shown that he feels the same way about me as I do about him.
And....I have only been able to see my own pain body and completely look past his. Because he is aloof and non committal in his approach with me I have assumed that he is going through nothing and that I am completely on my own in the boat. I have felt like I am the only one who has been going through the purging and the learning and the frustration and the general madness that is the twin flame experience.
My pain body has been so strong in its reaction that I had not been able to fathom that because we are mirrors he is going through one hell of a time and he has been through one hell of a life and he too has never had one person who has been his constant and been there for him no matter what.
This understanding has been really liberating. I am able to just hold space, regardless of his reaction to me, I can just be his person. No attachment, just love.
Love is our essence. It is the core of who we are. I don't feel lack. I trust the Universe and I am very happy to love the mirror of my soul. He deserves to be loved completely and totally. So do I, and when I am not fighting myself about loving him I am a very happy, relaxed, calm person.
Unconditional love is a true gift to master in this lifetime.
Sending infinite love to all
Twin Flame Healing
xxxx
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